Dedicated Brother Itachi
by karma-chan
Summary: A terrible & disturbing Naruto fic. Seriously. Don't read if you are easily offended. Especially don't read if you don't have a sense of humor. OOC, implied pedophilia, incest. Itachi on an assignment to kill Orochimaru. ItachiSasuke, ?Sasuke


**Dedicated Brother Itachi**

Dedicated: To Niko and Celeste1.

This fic was supposed to be my ItachixSasuke fic for Niko. Unfortunately, it's horrendously OOC and is waaaaay too cracky to be taken seriously as any such fic. So now I also dedicate it to the Queen of Cracky fics herself, Celeste1. Congratulations on film school!

Warnings: Um...let's see. Probably Rated R for implied pedophilia, incest, and tentacle-monster-like off camera sex. Very, VERY OOC.

Additional notes: For every time someone says "Itachi's so hot."

* * *

The day came, as he knew it eventually would, when Uchiha Itachi was ordered to kill Orochimaru.

Though he betrayed no such emotion on his face, Itachi was thrilled when he received the command. He never liked Orochimaru. Back when Orochimaru was still with Akatsuki, he had this annoying habit of constantly invading Itachi's personal space, sticking his tongue obscenely out for no apparent reason, and constantly complaining that the black Akatsuki outfits made the weather too hot to bear.

"Just because we're villains doesn't mean we have to dress like them," Orochimaru would complain. "Can't we wear beige? Black is so hot in the desert!" He would point to his pallid skin, remark how easily he got sunburned, and then launch a complaint about sun damage and how hard bodies were to acquire.

Hearing this, the members of Akatsuki would then get into arguments on whether or not they really were classified as "villains," whether black was the right color, and whether or not Orochimaru should be allowed to stay since he was getting on everyone's nerves. Itachi began to hate him as much as he had hated his father, his mother, and his best friend. Which was to say, a lot.

Eventually everyone became fed up when Orochimaru began to complain about the red clouds on his outfit, which everyone else thought was rather cool, and Orochimaru was ousted.

So when the order came in several years after Orochimaru's departure, Itachi happily accepted. He thought of various ways to kill Orochimaru as he headed off to the Hidden Village of Sound, and by the time he arrived he decided that first he would gut him, then he would rip off his tongue, and finally, as he lay dying and gasping with his last breath, he would throw Orochimaru's old costume over him and let him suffocate.

He entered Orochimaru's house as any assassin would, and did not knock. Unfortunately this meant that his host was unprepared to receive his calling, and that he would see something not fit for the public eye.

"Sasuke, what the--" Itachi stared. Then he paled. Another moment later, he flushed and his ears turned red with fury.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING TO MY BROTHER?"

Orochimaru looked up, and gave him an inquisitive look.

"TONGUE BACK INTO YOUR MOUTH. NOW!"

Another moment later, Orochimaru stood up. His arms were bandaged and apparently useless, so he used his tongue to put back on his clothes. "I don't see what the big deal is," he said, "I mean, it's not as if you and he are close--"

"SHUT UP!"

Itachi attacked.

The fight that ensued lasted exactly three minutes and twenty-two seconds. In the first minute, Orochimaru was down. In the second, Itachi was gutting him. In the third, the offensive tongue was cut off and in the last ten seconds, Kabuto came out of nowhere and dragged Orochimaru off to safety.

Itachi slapped his brother. "What the hell are you doing?"

Sasuke pouted. "He told me it would make me stronger!"

"I never raised you to act like a whore!"

"YOU NEVER RAISED ME AT ALL!" Sasuke bellowed. "YOU KILLED EVERYONE AND LEFT ME ALONE!"

"I DID IT FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!" Itachi screamed back. "IT WAS TO STOP THINGS LIKE THIS FROM HAPPENING TO YOU!"

Sasuke stared at him, eyes mixed with hatred, fear, and confusion. "What--"

"They kept telling me how good-looking I was," Itachi said. "And they wouldn't leave me alone. Dad started touching me first. And then Mom. And then his brothers. And their sisters. And when I ran away from home the first time and cried in my best friend's arms, he started to do the same thing. Then I realized that this would happen to you too, I got scared and then I got carried away."

"But then why did you leave me alone?" Sasuke asked, looking like he was going to cry. He began to put back on his clothes.

Itachi watched him. He could not find the right words to say it, but there it was in front of him, pale skin exposed, slim body, pretty face-- like his own face, that had attracted so many others.

He licked his lips. "To stop myself from doing the same."

-  
Believe it or not, your reaction was the same as mine.  
ewwwwwwwwwwwww.


End file.
